The destruction of the english language

I was listening to George Carlin’s Brain Droppings audiobook, and anyone who knows Mr. Carlin, knows how he likes to specialize in the english language and starts lambasting people, concepts, and misconceptions that are deteriorating the integrity of the english language.

I’ve only listened to a third of it, and I can’t help but already list a bunch of stuff from it.

Starting with sincere corrections of words and terms that have been incorrectly used over the ages, then going to the some sarcastic overly-literal interpretations to concepts and phrases we all know.

Good stuff.

Here are some things Carlin suggests we think about before we use them. Some of this we already know, some we don’t but it doesn’t hurt to list them here nonetheless.

• The english word forte, meaning specialty or strong point – is not pronounced FOR-tay, but FORT. The italian word forte, used in music notation, is pronounced FOR-tay.

• The word prodigal means reckless spending, or extravagant… and not connected to going away, wandering or leaving, then coming back.

• Sourgraping has nothing to do with jealousy or envy, nor is it related to being a sore loser. It is a rationalization of failure to attain a desired end.

• The Immaculate Conception is referring to the birth of Mary, not Jesus. What makes it significant is because she is claimed to be the only human being (other than Jesus) born without original sin. Apparently, Catholics still confuse this concept with Jesus’ birth (virgin birth)

• An acronym is not just just any set of initials. It only applies to those initials that can be pronounced as words. UNICEF, NATO… those are acronyms. FBI, KGB, CIA, and MMDA are not… they’re just pricks.

• “An eye-for an eye,” is not a call for revenge, its an argument for fairness. In the time of the Bible, it was standard to take a life, in exchange for an eye… but the Bible said “no, the punishment should fit the crime – only an eye for an eye… nothing more.” It isn’t vindictive, it’s mitigatory.

• Unique, needs no modifier… very unique, quite unique, more unique, etc. are wrong, and simply mark you as dumb… and most certainly not unique.

• Healthy does not mean healthful. Healthy is a condition, healthful is a property. Vegetables are not “healthy,” they’re dead. No food is “healthy”… unless you have an eggplant that’s doing push-ups. Push-ups, as well as vegetables, are healthful.

• “As of yet,” is simply stupid. As yet, I see no progress on this one… but that’s just me speaking as of now.

Now here are the usual sayings and concepts we are familiar with… but with his usual twist of comedy.

• Don’t make the same mistake twice This seems to suggest three mistakes. First you make a mistake, then you make the same mistake… then you make the same mistake twice.

• You’ve seen one, you’ve seen ’em all Do we even have to talk about this? Isn’t it obvious that if you’ve seen one then you’ve seen one? If you’ve seen them all, then you have seen them all! I don’t even know how this one got started!

• They don’t make them like they used to Actually, they do still make them like they used to… they just don’t sell them anymore.

• You can’t have it both ways That depends on how intimately you know the other person… Maybe you can’t have it both ways at once, but if you have enough time and energy, you may me able to have it six or seven ways.

• Nobody ever said life was fair Not so, I specifically remember as I was growing up at least 12 different people telling me life was fair.

• It takes two to tango It takes two to tango together perhaps, but certainly one person is capable to tango on his/her own.

• The pen is mightier than the sword This has to be updated. It should’ve been changed much earlier in the 20th century to “The typewriter is mightier than the machine gun.” But at this point, it should probably read: “The word processor is mightier than the particle beam weapon.”

• Unidentified person Surely someone can be identified by somebody… the more correct phrase is unidentifiable person.

• The oldest trick in the book When a person says “You can’t fool me, that’s the oldest trick in the book!” What is this well known book of tricks that they are referring to? And if such a book did exist, how would you know which trick was the oldest – since all were printed at the same time. The more correct sentence would be: “You can’t fool me, that’s the trick that appears earliest in the book!”

• You can hear a pin drop You can’t hear a pin drop… not even a bowling pin. A pin dropping is just moving though the air – there’s very little noise. You might be able to hear a pin land, but not drop.