My [now] open letter to a douchebag

Now that the “issue” is out in the open, I guess I now can do what I intended to do since the story broke on my end.

There’s a certain benefit of making one’s position public – not so much as to shame or hassle any party, but to at least acknowledge the elephant in the room.

It’s important because to me, certain people seem to be getting away with murder simply because they feel it’s an issue that people would be too uncomfortable to discuss 1 If ever they discuss it, they just talk about it amongst themselves – and at the end of it all, it’s just one of those things that will “pass.”

Sometimes, there are crimes that shouldn’t be allowed to “pass” so easily. Sometimes at the very least, some criminals ought to be reminded that they aren’t fooling anyone, that we know, and that everyone knows. And if they don’t, well then they will know after this.

But most importantly, its so I don’t have to put on some stupid facade to anyone. That while other people may be fine with being non-confrontational, I want to be honest with my feelings: and I personally feel that just being angry about it doesn’t cut it.

So this is part of the “steps” I’ve taken to make myself feel better… and it was supposed to be an open letter, but I was asked to keep it under wraps until the issue was known by the whole group – and since that seems to be the case now, then here’s the letter in its entirety with the names edited out – but not so much as to be vague to those who actually know the people involved – I want to be clear about what issue I’m addressing, and I feel the letter will speak for itself.

I do not fault you for feeling the way you feel; the heart is a strange thing and you really can’t tell it who and who not to fall in love with (it can even be frustrating that way). Hell, I don’t even judge people for lying or even cheating given certain contexts.

That said, I do take serious issue with how you strung my friend along for so many years just so you wouldn’t feel lonely. The problem is that you specifically, over the years, have constantly tried to paint yourself as some idealistic romantic – and have sweet talked GIRL into thinking that you really loved her. 2 And this isn’t just assumption/misinterpretation, mind you, I actually was shown proof – you’d be amazed how saved messages can be so damning

And even if we did assume that you were sincere (that you really did love her), here’s the thing: the possible reasons for you to feel hesitant to make it official with her are still valid with any girl who lives here. So it begs the question: what’s different now with this girl that wasn’t there with GIRL? I’ll tell you what’s different: the difference is you were playing it safe; you really weren’t in love with her but made her think you were. You had no one else then and would rather keep her strung along for your sake, while you were waiting for your ideal one to come. Which would be fine – except for the fact that the things you said to “keep” GIRL suggested otherwise.

If there’s one thing I hate, its hypocrites, and worse is the pain your particular brand of hypocrisy has caused.

I mean seriously, didn’t you even stop to consider the circumstances and people surrounding this issue before getting into it? Because I can “get” cheating on a girl, I’m no angel. But doing it with someone that’s practically family to her, and literally family to someone very close to her, and best friends with someone (COMMON GUY FRIEND) who’s close with all previously mentioned. Jesus man, you really didn’t mind ruining the dynamic of an entire group of friends (and family!) – let alone hurt someone who loved you more than someone who you had just been with for less than a year. 3 And here’s the kicker which I forgot to mention in the email, this asshole apparently fails to realize that the reason he even became close with these people is through the girl he hurt

This is far from what the image of a man you’re trying to portray yourself as would’ve done – it’s despicable even to a person like me – and that’s saying a lot!

GIRL even put up with your past issues of unreasonable jealousy and other temperaments that I can only interpret as emotional blackmail. She put up with you being open about your crushes or going out with other women knowing if you knew it was painful for her to hear – just so you can claim that you were “perfectly honest” with her (at hindi sila threat) – and yet suddenly when it mattered most, when there was a “threat” – that’s when you decided to keep things secret!?

Asshole.

She was robbed of years of freedom of meeting the man she deserves just because some kid had issues of being alone – and now that you were less lonely, or had a distraction, or found a replacement, ikaw pa nambugaw sa kanya to move on.

I can only hope this new girl of yours is just as fickle and naive as you – then you’d be a perfect match, para patas ang paghihirap na dadanasin niyo. Because GIRL, from the start, ’til the bitter end, always had the short end of the stick – and you made damn sure that that was always the case – and there’s no justice in that.

I remember giving you some advice before: “In a relationship, the guy takes care of the girl, not the other way around.”

If you truly cared for GIRL (or “loved” as you would constantly claimed to keep her around), you shouldn’t be hurting her – especially not in this particular manner.

So it seems that you probably didn’t understand what I meant about “caring for someone” – so let me demonstrate it instead. It’s easy, really, I mean I don’t even have to “love” the way you claim to have done to do it. observe:

You mess with my friend, you mess with me. You hurt my friend… you deserve to pay.

Pasalamat ka hindi ako kasama sa tour, though I’m hoping someone else gives you what you deserve. The best I can do for now is issue this warning: If you plan to go back to COMMON GROUP in the future while I’m still there, do so at your own peril. Because I swear to God, THERE WILL BE BLOOD.

That’s how I care for my friends, that’s how I plan to protect GIRL from all your shit from now on.

Tutal, sabi mo naman sa kanya ready ka na to cut all ties (even with COMMON GROUP) to start a brand new life…. so time to put your money where your goddamn mouth is and just DISAPPEAR.

Besides, if you had any shred of decency left, you should do this voluntarily anyway – but I felt I still needed to make it crystal clear since you, apparently, are too fucking stupid to get a clue. 4 And apparently, he WAS stupid – because he actually spent time with the group – well, at least I wasn’t mistaken in trying to clarify

So that’s the letter, and now that the tour has wrapped up, I know for a fact that no one gave him what he deserved 5 maraming hiritan, pero wala naman follow through which to be fair, is totally fine – since wala naman siya atraso sa kanila, nor are they expected to take sides.

All I’m trying to say is that to me, there is no justice in what happened. And it pains me to even contemplate that some clueless people might even be happy for the new couple… or worse simply judge my friend as someone who’s just being bitter.

Yes, I myself can attest to her being quite jaded in life – but I know more about the things she went through (this is just one of them and it’s already a doozy) and I can say with full confidence that she doesn’t deserve this shit.

And if no one cares enough give her some semblance of justice – something other than being a martyr and simply sucking it all up and accepting defeat, then I sure as hell will try my darndest to do what I can – no matter how insignificant it may seem in the greater scheme of things – at least I will have the peace of mind knowing that I did what I could. I’m not going to allow myself to hide behind the convenience of non-confrontation while watching my friend get her heart stomped all over.

I’m not saying that I can’t forgive him, but I’m saying that his sort of shit isn’t something a “sorry” can fix. He has to pay the price if he wants to make amends. He has to be punished somehow, if it means not being able to come back to the group as [mental] punishment, then that’s one way to go about it. If he feels that’s unfair, then he’s free to come back and “pay” another way – in blood then I’ll be more than glad to oblige.

Also, now you all know why I never liked the kid. But you know what really pisses me off about this whole thing? It’s because I’m far from being an altruist, I can see and accept gray areas when I deem they make the most sense, and I certainly let myself to be asshole if I felt like it.

But you know what I never do in relationships? I never manipulate people to get what I want. In fact there are some of you who could attest first hand that I tend to be too honest with what I want and expect to a fault – that it can scare them away, or turn them off, or hurt them (or all three). I’d rather risk a higher rate of failure if it means being able to get what I want legitimately rather than lie to get what I want. 6 At least in relationships, in School it’s the opposite LOL So for those who get turned off with people like me – there are those who end up with people like him instead – who’s practically just as selfish as I can be, with the difference that they tell them what they want to hear.

So you can understand why people like that really piss me off; because the “lesson” to be learned if we were to take that “reality” into consideration is that it’s better to lie and manipulate instead of being forthcoming. That “crime,” indeed, pays.

So there, I’ve vented enough and this issue will now technically be on hibernation (since there’s nothing else to do) – unless of course he comes home and goes to practice – in that case get your cameras ready, it will be one for the books!

And yes, I do realize the irony that all major issues (interestingly enough) aren’t really about me – but I end up being the one doing some historic act which cannot be ingnored. Call it a character flaw of “getting involved in stuff that ultimately shouldn’t concern me.”

I prefer to call it “standing up for the people who matter in my life” – and to that, I’m definitely (and proudly) guilty as charged.

Notes   [ + ]

1. If ever they discuss it, they just talk about it amongst themselves
2. And this isn’t just assumption/misinterpretation, mind you, I actually was shown proof – you’d be amazed how saved messages can be so damning
3. And here’s the kicker which I forgot to mention in the email, this asshole apparently fails to realize that the reason he even became close with these people is through the girl he hurt
4. And apparently, he WAS stupid – because he actually spent time with the group – well, at least I wasn’t mistaken in trying to clarify
5. maraming hiritan, pero wala naman follow through
6. At least in relationships, in School it’s the opposite LOL

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