Sexes split over one night stands

Many women are left unhappy in the aftermath of casual sexual encounters, a survey has revealed.

Thank God for an article like this, I’ll finally get to say something I’ve come to realize – that I could never bring up out of the blue.

While the article obviously focuses on one-night-stands, I personally have noticed something significant and worthy of mention as far as heterosexual relationships go. I encompasses most of (if not all) relationship issues a woman may experience – that even the more complex/controversial issues, like in the article, are merely subsets.

I tried synthesizing different opinions/perspectives of various women I’ve had deep conversations with regarding relationship issues they were having. I would probably say this would be a great follow up to a post I wrote 3 years ago, which a friend of mine reminded me of because of its “accuracy” (she was a woman by the way so shut up)

Before I proceed, I feel compelled to remind everyone that while there may be exceptions, we all know most issues, or at least issues being blown out of proportion, are almost always the woman’s doing. If you’re a woman and disagree, feel free to drop me a line and counter this claim. But before going off your handle, at least try to hear why I think this is the case.

People may claim varying complexities and exceptions in their relationships to justify all sorts of arguments. And I’m not here to disabuse them as there are and will be special cases. But for the most part, if if you really distill most of these issues to the basic facts, the basic situations, etc., it boils down to just this:

Women see the glass as half-empty. Men see the glass as half-full.

Don’t worry, I’m going to qualify and substantiate that claim in a while – so you won’t really get a chance to say I’m making a thoughtless, sweeping statement.

Preamble

As I said, I’ve already posted in the past some thoughts about the fundamental differences in women and men and why I think that women have a serious disadvantage which they really bring upon themselves. I don’t want to antagonize anyone early on in this post so just consider that statement as an observation.

It’s interesting to note that very little, if anything at all, has changed since that post. Almost everything I’ve said there still applies, and is constantly vindicated, no matter how many more “special” situations my friends (both male and female, and even I myself) have experienced over time. I’m still not claiming this to be absolute; the reason for which you’ll see at the end, but in our culture, it’s pretty much 99.9% accurate.

I’ve rationalized/sythesized the hell out of the different issues/situations/stories/experiences from me and my friends. And just for kicks, I’ll even justify the need to rationalize. ¹ Because I just know the last bastion of women would be to claim rationalization being incompatible with relationships (which are largely based on emotions)

There is one new thing that I’d like to add to that post. I’ve realized, that by a certain time, the whole “eh kasi insert_gender_here” ² Because he’s/she’s a man/woman argument doesn’t, or more accurately, shouldn’t hold water anymore. The reason for this is simple; if one side can use that argument to justify their gender’s preference on any given issue, it’s only fair that the other side could use the corollary to justify their postion – so ultimately the whole thing loses its purpose because they just cancel each other out. When that happens (and this is what puts the women at a disadvantage), we’re usually left with logic and reason. ³ Because the “thing” that’s usually cancelled out, is the emotional side of things.

I have to be honest; I think that’s a good thing. Not because it gives the men (and some women) an advantage, but simply because its the only type of argument that will make sense regardless of which side its coming from. Emotions can change, but facts are fucking facts.

An analogy I would submit to exemplify this point is a woman PMSing, or a pregnant woman. That they’re hormonally imbalanced gives them temporary rights to be the way they are, and of course the men will accommodate their actions during those wonderful days of their lives. But make no mistake, ultimately both sides know who’s being illogical, who’s being unreasonable. This is because of rational thinking.

Rational thinking; it’s the common ground where both sides should be able to stand on equal footing. The reason why women are usually on the shorter end of the stick isn’t because they are incapable, but only because their emotions tend to tell them the exact opposite of what’s perfectly clear in their rational mind – and they still end up following the former! God knows why they do that, but that’s just how it is. And this is why I said this early on:

most issues, or at least issues being blown out of proportion, are almost always the woman’s doing. ⁴ I say “doing” and not fault, because it may be the man’s fault, but needlessly escalating the issues to dangerous levels will always be the woman’s doing.

The reason why I think that emotional tendencies should only be acceptable during those “special” days/months is because if women didn’t keep that aspect of themselves in check, they’ll end up applying those tendencies every single goddamn second in a relationship. Even if only in small doses, those can add-up – and many decent relationships have been doomed because of that.

Now lets get to the meat

I’ve discussed the tendencies, I’ve discussed the underlying anatomical inclination, but now lets try dissecting what I think is the philosophical reason why women think this way. Just to remind you, the thesis is this:

Women see the glass as half-empty. Men see the glass as half-full.

I’ve already said that the article is just a subset of issues that can spring forth from this notion, but let’s use it anyways.

Some of the their reasons for the encounters were because they felt there was the possibility of a longer term relationship.

That right there, why do they even think about that? It’s a fucking one night stand for pete’s sake. The longest anyone should think about it is for that ONE GODDAMNED NIGHT! Anything more than that and you automatically invalidate your right to being “right.” That you “can’t help it” is never an excuse – unless you’re PMSing or pregnant (in that case you shouldn’t even be having a one night stand, that’s just gross).

A fucking baby can eat shit because they “can’t help it,” it doesn’t make it acceptable in any terms.

But I’m not here to nitpick on those details. What’s interesting is why they think that way… why they see the lack of long-term opportunity as a problem. And common answer that will almost always unravel is this: half-empty.

I told this to a [woman] friend of mine who was experiencing such a dilemma during a fling ⁵ I know what you’re thinking! It WASN’T with ME ok? Hahahaha

You’re getting 70% of what you’d “like.” And you’re complaining because you’re not getting the other 30%. So where’s the sense in preferring to get nothing just because you can never have it all?

Now I have to admit, that setup was a “fling” and not really a serious relationship – so those values are applicable in that context. If it were a real romantic relationship, you’re entitled to expect more. I wouldn’t say it’s right, but you’re entitled to that opinion. Though you’d still be hard-pressed to find a man that can truly give you that without you having to resort to synthesizing some happiness. Plus, that doesn’t negate the fact that you were focusing on what was lacking, rather than being thankful of what was there.

So with that as an example, I invite all the women to think about all the times they argued with their significant others, their casual flings, their “special” friendships, etc. And I dare you to tell me that it wasn’t because you were disappointed with what you didn’t get, or aren’t getting. It’s not enough, it’s never enough… it’ll always be half empty.

Here’s an amusing experiment: who among you women readers actually caught this in the article:

Just under half of women who answered the internet poll, published in the journal “Human Nature”, said they felt it had been a bad idea.

That’s less than half. Meaning more women actually enjoyed such experiences. This is probably the only time where women will interpret the statistic as “half full;” ⁶ For the wrong reasons at that! that the majority of women are disappointed – perhaps in the hopes of deluding themselves that it’s really OK to have ridiculous expectations of/from men.

But going back to the article, this is the second and most important point I’d like to drive home… the very reason my post has its title.

Women can enjoy experiences just as they are if they just put their minds to it. Non-romantic experiences may just be blips in the greater scheme of things. The presence (or absence) of such experiences shouldn’t impact in your life drastically; they’re just bonuses – icing in the cake of life. But should should you indulge, here’s my take on it:

50%, hell, even 1% may be less than a hundred, but it’s certainly better than 0. So I ask you, do you really want to be miserable because of the 50-99% you technically don’t need in the first place? Or would you prefer to just enjoy that 1-50% as a bonus?

The math is so simple that it’s beyond me how women can turn these little “bonuses” into full blown life-altering issues by mere over-analysis.

Live a little. Have fun for the sake of fun. And maybe… just maybe, you’d look back at your life and see it as a series of wonderful “experiences/bonuses” instead of a ton of regrets.

It’s half full people. And if the women only tried to see it that way, everyone would be having a much more positive outlook in all types of relationships, serious or fleeting.

I don’t see how that can be a bad thing.

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And for my friends, if ever you’re thinking “is something happening with him and Cris?” The answer is no. Cris and I are just peachy 🙂

I may be posting a lot of “relationship” commentaries recently, but it’s only because I know of at least 5 other people experiencing these issues – and they’re all women (what a surprise!)