Regrets

There was a post by Jim Paredes about the top 5 regrets people have when their lives are at an end (both figuratively and literally).

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

All things considered, I’ve been happy. And after reading the list it does make perfect sense as to why I’m generally happy.

I can go to all sorts of analysis explaining why I think these people have these kinds of regrets. Ranging from social acceptance, to fear, to religious bias, etc. But whatever the case may be, one thing is certain: that these people, who essentially have lived the way they thought was the way a “life well lived” should’ve been lived, ¹ Ok, I admit that sentence sounded dreadfully confusing, but read it again and again, and it does make sense ended up having these regrets.

I’ve always tried living as free-spirited as far as my relationship with others (and the world) would allow – so I was pleasantly surprised to see that almost all things in these list had already been “checked” as it were.

I’m sure anyone who knows me, knows the reason I am the way I am is because of #5, and that I certainly am not lacking in #3, and I practically got #1 down to a science.

I’m still constantly working on #4 though – and I think I’m doing a pretty good job all things considered. While I can certainly be sociable if I wanted to, people know that I don’t make an effort to be [sociable] if I don’t need to. Same goes with making friends, etc.

But for the friends I do value, I, in fact, do try to go out of my comfort zone when it comes to them. I listen, I ask questions, I help look for answers, etc. things I wouldn’t normally do for anyone simply because I could care less if it was anyone else. I’m just not sure if these people notice that when it does happen. I don’t blame them though, given my natural disposition to do just the opposite.

As for #2, I’m still kind of undecided. I believe in working hard, but I also believe in not compromising your whole life because of it. Most people work to be able to earn, and the reason they have to earn is to be able to afford to do the things they enjoy. Ideally, the harder you work, the better compensation you get… and the easier life you’ll live down the road.

Yet here’s the problem. Unless you’re earning really well, sometimes the math doesn’t add up. If you earn too low (as it usually is in 3rd world countries), then you end up working too hard for a pittance… and the only way to compensate for the gap in “value” is to work longer. And now you have the dilemma of possibly wasting your entire life with work – then end up being too old to be able enjoy the “fruits” of your labor.

That’s why it’s really a tricky thing to decide when to work and when to play. I haven’t figured it out yet, but so far, I guess the guiding principle that has worked for me is never let work get in the way of your “fun,” but also never let your fun compromise your work. Simply put, prioritize fun – but make sure the work you do is something you can put your name behind regardless if it took you 1 minute or 10 hours to accomplish.

So I guess this is really a case-to-case thing. Those who are good at what they do would have no problem with this setup – while those who aren’t as good would require more dedication to achieve the same thing as the former. I guess the trick is to know yourself and what you can bring to the table.