Hell, in fact, HATH fury!

For the record, I always believed that even in the face of total injustice, a man should take the high road when going against a woman; because God knows the latter would do shit like that naturally… at least most of the time at least (and this is provable fact btw). Sure, I do confide in a select few (and only if they ask) and I guess the furthest I’d go (unless publicly challenged) would be to write a song about it. Even then, I’d always make it a point keep the villain’s identity anonymous to the general public out of courtesy (even if they totally don’t deserve it) ¹ Well, that and I want the music to be relevant to a broader audience, something which is impossible if you put an actual name on the song

In context of relationships, 99% of the time, it’s really the men that have less to lose when shit hits the fan. I guess this is why the whole “hell hath no fury than a woman scorned” adage exists in the first place; and those “screwed” (no pun intended) women resort to slander – practically cuz it’s the only [legal] thing they could do to get some semblance of retribution.

But, I respectfully submit, that Hell, in fact, hath fury… even more than a woman scorned – it just seldom reveals itself. And guess who’s capable of delivering such fury; damn right, it’s us men. And here’s a sample of how a no-holds-barred mutt-fit (bitch-fit for men) could go down… brought to you by Mr. no-holds-barred himself: EMINEM.

I have to admit that I did get a kick out of Eminem’s single “The Warning” simply because it shows exactly how destructive we men can be if we throw whatever courtesy we have left to the wind (and start acting like “women scorned” ourselves)

Basically, the “facts” are ² I use quotations because I believe if you listen to the relevant tracks altogether you can get a picture of how things probably went down that Eminem had a relationship with Mariah Carey (who is now married to Nick Cannon), and now they’re having a public tussle via the tracks they release. Chronologically, here’s the deal:

On Eminem’s Relapse album, he had a track called “Bagpipes from Baghdad” which kinda suggests an embittered Eminem.

Mariah what ever happened to us?
Why did we have to break up?
All I asked for was a glass of punch
You see I never really asked for much I can’t imagine what’s
Goin through your mind after such
A nasty break-up with that Latin hunk
Louis Miguel, Nick Cannon better back the fuck up
I’m not playin’ I want her back you punk

Nick Cannon and the wifey are furious and the latter retaliates with a track called “Obsessed” from her [upcoming?] album. A snippet of the song goes:

“Why you so obsessed with me (Boy I wanna know).
Lying that you’re sexing me (when everybody knows)…
You a mom and pop. I’m a corporation.
I’m the press conference and you a conversation.”

And given that Eminem was never a person to take the high road… he, quite frankly, obliterates both Carey and Cannon in one go.

Only reason I dissed you in the first place is because you denied seeing me.
Now I’m pissed off

Sit back homey, relax. In fact, grab a six pack. Kick back, while I kick facts
Yeah Dre’s sick track, perfect way to get back
Wanna hear something wick wack?
I got the exact same exact tat that’s on Nick’s back
I’m obsessed now?
Oh gee, is that supposed to be me in the video with the goatee?
Wow Mariah, I didn’t expect you to go balls out!
Bitch, shut the fuck up before I put all them phone calls out you made to my house (when you was wild n out before Nick; when you was on my dick) and give you somethin to smile about
How many times you fly to my house? Still trying to count
Better shut your lying mouth if you don’t want Nick finding out
You probably think cuz it’s been so long if I had something on you I woulda did it by now
Oh, on the contrary, Mary Poppins, I’m mixing our studio session down and sending it to mastering to make it loud

Enough dirt on you to murder you; this is what the fuck I do
Mariah, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?
However you prefer to do and goes for Nick too:
Faggot, you think I’m scared of you?
You gonna ruin my career? You better get one
Like I’ma sit and fight with you over some slut bitch cunt who made me put up with her psycho ass over 6 months and only spread her legs to let me hit once.

Yeah, what you gonna say? I’m lucky? Tell the public that I was so ugly that you fucking had to be drunk to fuck me?
Second base? What the fuck you tell Nick, punk?
In the second week we was dry humping. It’s gotta count for something.
Listen, girly. Surely you don’t want me to talk about how I nutted early cos ejaculated prematurely and bust all over your belly, and you almost started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel; your stomach’s curling… Or maybe you do.
But if I’m embarrassing me, I’m embarrassing you and don’t you dare say it isn’t true. ³ This is exactly why I say that we men have “less” to lose – we don’t care about our reputations as much as women do (and you can rap what I just said in the same meter of the song!
As long as the song’s getting airplay I’m dissing you.
I’m a hair away from getting carried away and getting sued.
I was gonna stop at 16, that was 32, this is 34 bars; we ain’t even a third of the way through.
Damn, Slim. Mariah played you. Mariah who?
Oh did I say “whore”, Nick? I meant a liar too.
Like I’ve been goin off on you all this time for no reason.
Girl you out ya alcholic mind. Check ya wine cellar. Look at all the amounts of all the wine.

Like I fuckin’ sit around and think about you all the time.
I just think this is funny when I pounce you on a rhyme.
But fuck it now i’m about to draw the line.
And for you to cross it that’s a mountain that I doubt you wanna climb.
I can describe areas of your house that you wouldn’t find on an episode of Cribs
A blubba load ribs if I hear another word so don’t go opening your jibs
cos every time you do it’s like an overload of fibs
I ain’t saying this shit again, ho. You know what it is.
It’s a warning shot for before I blow up ya whole spot
Call my bluff and I’ll release every fucking thing I got
Including the voicemails right before you flipped your top
When me and Luis were tryin’ to stick two CD’s in the same spot

(Slim Shady I love you)
I love you too
Let me whisper sweet nothings into your ear, boo. Now what you say?
(It’s nothing)
Guess what I’ll do?
I’ll refresh your memory when you said (I want you)
Now should I keep going or should we call truce?
(You think you’re cute, right? Hahaha)
You bet your sweet ass I do
(I’m Mary Poppins, b)
And I’m Superman, mmm
(Mary P. Slim Shady)
Comin’ at you
So if you’ll still be my (babygirl)
Then I’ll still be your (Superhero, Wilma M.)
Yeah, I’m right here
(You like this)
Nope. Not anymore, Dear.
It cuts like a (knife) when I tell ya get a (life)
But I’m movin on with mine
Nick, is that your (wife)
Well tell her to shut her mouth then I’ll leave her alone
If she don’t (sing this script?) then I’ma just keep goin
(I see Mary Ann. Mary Ann’s saying “cut the tape, cut the tape”. Knife!)

Hoooooooly shit right? Remind me never to mess with Eminem… for realz!

One of the more poignant comments that I came across, which I would have to agree with was this:

Eminem is a long ways from a liar. The guy is too honest, if you ask me.

But overall, I guess the bottomline here is that yes, we are all in agreement that they are acting like kids… and that Eminem is ultimately in the wrong IMHO (given how I personally like to deal with these sorts of issues and well, because Eminem “started” it). But I gotta admit, I get some sort of a twisted tingling feeling of pure satisfaction when I see Eminem indulge in actions most of us [men] would never dare to do out of principle.

I guess it’s the same appreciation I have of being politically incorrect; I try not to be, but hell, I really love PI humor.

On a musical note; no matter if you like rap or not, no matter if you like Eminem or not, you gotta admit the man’s rap/freestyle skills are out of this world! He has such amazing command of his craft, and I kinda feel sorry for Cannon or Mariah trying to beat him at his own game.