For all its worth

I wrote this blog draft before, but never got to post it. This was during the time when everything started going right for me.

I remember using this idea to comfort someone in the BP forums before.

One person’s happiness is another person’s loss. So whenever we suffer, just try to think that somehow, in the cosmic balance, God has made good use of your “sacrifice credits” to uplift someone else.

On that note… whoever is feeling down right now… I am forever grateful for your sacrifice.

It would’ve been a nice brief, cryptic, meaningful post then… in fact, for all intents and purposes, it still is.

I just felt compelled to mention it now because unfortunately, the person who’s “down” right now seems to be directly affected by these same events. I look and see the irony, futility, and [the probable] insensitivity in sharing this “idea of comfort.” And that gives me a heavy heart 🙁

I thought it would be rude if I kept silent about it, just because it technically didn’t/shouldn’t “concern” me. I don’t believe in keeping things bottled up: The longer it takes for a potential issue to come out, the more damage it may/will incur ¹ That’s why sometimes, when it comes to “delicate” secrets, either I spill immediately, or keep them to my grave. There is no gray area for me here. – compared to if you simply got it over with as soon as possible.

I hurt someone unintentionally, and though ultimately, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect them to simply move on and cope with it on their own. That may be easy for me to say because is I’ve always been an introvert, so I pretty much prefer being alone when I process major problems. If that isn’t the case, I just hope if and when this is read, it is read after properly processing everything that has happened… and read with a sound [and calm] mind and heart.

There’s no easy way of saying this so I’ll just say it.

You have no idea how much reservations I had out of respect for you, and the others that may have been, or still be, in her life. I drilled as far as I possibly could to get to the bottom of her situation… and it seemed pretty clear that she was “fair game” (for lack of a better term) the time I asked her out. Plus, given the time that has transpired between you two, I’m pretty sure anyone would agree that there was nothing wrong with me coming in.

The only valid concern people may have is concern for her welfare (me being me that is). If I had been my “regular self,” it would make things so much easier for everyone to judge me as the bad guy. Sorry to disappoint, but that isn’t the case here. I cannot ask anybody to take my word for it (including her), so I’ll just have to prove it right? That’s exactly what I intended to do anyway.

Now the reason why I posted this (I would’ve much preferred this to be a personal matter) is because given my history, her history, and the circumstances… there’s a big chance that unsolicited news/rumors/issues will come of this, especially to a certain “community” out there (wink-wink, nudge, nudge). Of course, I’d like to believe the people will at least try to be discreet, but who am I kidding right? I also know a handful of people perfectly capable of destroying my reputation when it comes to these “issues.” Fortunately, they are friends… unfortunately, they have big mouths – but I cherish each one of them regardless 😉

So for those who “warned” her without going into details out of respect for me, I appreciate the gesture. Rest assured, I have confirmed to her myself, that your comments are well-founded, and under normal circumstances, they are indeed warnings that have to be stated (ika nga, disclaimer). I didn’t even bother defending myself, nor tried putting a positive spin on it. I also did not however, bother going into details, because the past is the past, and honestly, they would would just be adding noise instead of being constructive concerns at this point.