An email from Chrise, to our barkada’s mailing list revealed some really lovely, retarded excuse letters.
They are allegedly real, notes from parents (eep!) including original spelling, collected by schools from all over the Philippines.> My son is under a doctors care and should not
take P.E. today. Please execute him
If you want to kill the prick, do it yourself!
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was
sick and I had her shot.
Her parents must be Nazis
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on
Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Why not just make it a cool 40 – and what’s up with “dear school?”
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is
administrating
Must be “servicing” some other person… poor Jim.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced
his hip.
Hope he finds it soon
John has been absent because he had two teeth
taken out of his face.
Now isn’t that thoughtful. Freaks with teeth sticking out of their faces really shouldn’t be allowed to scare the other students.
Megan could not come to school today because she
has been bothered by very close veins.
How vain (pun intended) can you get? Oh I forgot, varicose veins CAN cause Deep Vein Thrombosis. But that’s not what this child’s problem is now is it?
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre
in his side.
If he as any business sense, I’d say he should sell or rent it.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has
very loose vowels.
Jesus, the more reason to GO to school.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday.
He had (diahre dyrea direathe) the shits.
Parenthesized words were crossed out in the letter. I’m really digging “the shits”… straight to the point!
George was absent yesterday because he missed
his bust.
There’s nothing more admirable than an inmate willing to escape from prison to search for an education.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas
shopping because I dont know what size she wear.
Doesn’t this even violate some law of physics? Must be TV shopping.
Sally wont be in school a week from Friday. We
have to attend her Funeral
Someone call the police, they’re planning to kill the bitch!
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
He had a cold and could not breed well.
Now that’s really embarrasing for a man… hang in there Jason!
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a
gangover.
Either a party-animal, or nymphomaniac I guess
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she
had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset
stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and
sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever
and ached all over. I wasnt the best either,
sore throat and fever. There must be something
going around, her father even got hot last
night.
Alright already! So you were ALL sick… jeez!
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school
yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper
off the porch, and when we found it Monday,
we thought it was Sunday.
Now if that excuse actually flies, then I’ll be using it ALL THE TIME!