Next time, someone just better remind me not to change my way of thinking.
I’ve been through enough good and bad experiences to know how to get the best out of them… at the risk of becoming “evil” to others’ eyes (but with no intention of being so).
But then there are a few goddamn times I let my guard down totally. I revert to being that loser I swore never to become again, and end up experiencing the same pain that made me the man I am today.
This too shall pass I guess, but not now, not yet. I’ll let myself enjoy this pain, since it’s been a while since I’ve felt it, and it keeps me grounded somehow… and quite frankly makes me glad that I was jaded in the first place – there’s no place like home, I guess.
So when it does pass, I’ll once again be steadfast with my ideals, and just continue being the juggernaut I usually am… despised by others, but loved nonetheless by the people important to me.
…
Who am I kidding, I can say this but at the end of the day, I’m still a sucker. I know that all it takes is one feeling to mess with my mind totally. So what if I’ve had so much experience, it’s not like they ever helped me get what I really wanted… only once did that happen, and that too crumbled sooner or later. And I know I’m a sucker for it.
It’s no wonder we humans are so damn violent: even at the emotional level, we seem to make it a point to get ourselves into really painful situations.
We are all suckers, it’s just human nature.