{"id":269,"date":"2005-04-04T16:22:00","date_gmt":"2005-04-04T16:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nargalzius.com\/blog2\/http:\/www.nargalzius.com\/blog2\/archives\/2005\/04\/2005_04_05_0022.php"},"modified":"2017-02-10T03:09:20","modified_gmt":"2017-02-10T03:09:20","slug":"excuses-excuses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/archives\/2005\/04\/04\/excuses-excuses","title":{"rendered":"Excuses excuses"},"content":{"rendered":"

An email from Chrise<\/a>, to our barkada’s<\/em> mailing list revealed some really lovely, retarded<\/strong> excuse letters.<\/p>\n

They are allegedly real,<\/strong> notes from parents<\/em> (eep!) including original spelling, collected by schools from all over the Philippines.> My son is under a doctors care and should not <\/p>\n

\n

take P.E. today. Please execute him <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If you want to kill the prick, do it yourself!<\/p>\n

\n

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was
\nsick and I had her shot. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Her parents must be Nazis<\/p>\n

\n

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on
\nJan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Why not just make it a cool 40 – and what’s up with “dear school?”<\/p>\n

\n

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is
\nadministrating <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Must be “servicing” some other person… poor Jim.<\/p>\n

\n

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.
\nYesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced
\nhis hip. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Hope he finds it soon<\/p>\n

\n

John has been absent because he had two teeth
\ntaken out of his face. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Now isn’t that thoughtful. Freaks with teeth sticking out of their faces really shouldn’t be allowed to scare the other students.<\/p>\n

\n

Megan could not come to school today because she
\nhas been bothered by very close veins. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

How vain (pun intended) can you get? Oh I forgot, varicose veins CAN cause Deep Vein Thrombosis. But that’s not what this child’s problem is now is it?<\/p>\n

\n

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre
\nin his side. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If he as any business sense, I’d say he should sell or rent it.<\/p>\n

\n

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has
\nvery loose vowels. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Jesus, the more reason to GO to school.<\/p>\n

\n

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday.
\nHe had (diahre dyrea direathe) the shits. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Parenthesized words were crossed out in the letter. I’m really digging “the shits”… straight to the point!<\/p>\n

\n

George was absent yesterday because he missed
\nhis bust. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

There’s nothing more admirable than an inmate willing to escape from prison to search for an education.<\/p>\n

\n

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas
\nshopping because I dont know what size she wear. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Doesn’t this even violate some law of physics? Must be TV shopping.<\/p>\n

\n

Sally wont be in school a week from Friday. We
\nhave to attend her Funeral <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Someone call the police, they’re planning to kill the bitch!<\/p>\n

\n

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
\nHe had a cold and could not breed well. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Now that’s really embarrasing for a man… hang in there Jason!<\/p>\n

\n

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a
\ngangover. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Either a party-animal, or nymphomaniac I guess<\/p>\n

\n

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she
\nhad a fever, sore throat, headache and upset
\nstomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and
\nsore throat, her brother had a low grade fever
\nand ached all over. I wasnt the best either,
\nsore throat and fever. There must be something
\ngoing around, her father even got hot last
\nnight. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Alright already! So you were ALL sick… jeez!<\/p>\n

\n

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school
\nyesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper
\noff the porch, and when we found it Monday,
\nwe thought it was Sunday. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Now if that excuse actually flies, then I’ll be using it ALL THE TIME!<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An email from Chrise, to our barkada’s mailing list revealed some really lovely, retarded excuse letters. They are allegedly real, notes from parents (eep!) including original spelling, collected by schools from all over the Philippines.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[10],"tags":[378,410,877,1042],"class_list":["post-269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nonsense","tag-education","tag-excuses","tag-parents","tag-schools"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=269"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1772,"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269\/revisions\/1772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nargalzius.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}